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I am mentally updating my status

Having Facebook as part of my life has created a strange new behavior. As I go through my day, when something noteworthy happens, I think of a Facebook status update…but I almost never actually post them. It’s kind of a strange, third-person stream of consciousness.

Just this week,

Kirsten Sawyer believed the magazine that said baked kale chips were delicious and nutritious. In reality, they made the house smell like dog farts and gave her a stomach ache.

Kirsten Sawyer is pissed (pun may or may not be intended) that her son peed on her computer.


Kirsten Sawyer knows it is age-inappropriate, but she really hopes Nate Archibald and Jenny Humphrey get together.

Why these fascinating nuggets from my life don’t make it online for my Facebook friends to read probably comes down to two things: 1. Insecurity and 2. Laziness.

Even though I adore reading other people’s comings and goings – I might even say that I check people’s status updates obsessively throughout the day, there is a part of me that feels like the slice of my life would be uninteresting and potentially even judgment or mock worthy. Will people think I’m an idiot for believing kale chips could be good, messy for leaving my computer on the floor, or pathetic for watching Gossip Girl? The truth is that at times I am potentially all of those things, but I’m not sure I want the people I went to high school with or my former co-workers to know. I do recognize, however, that it is strangely contradictory that I feel too insecure to put out a handful of words on a daily basis, yet publish hundreds of words on a weekly basis. So, perhaps laziness should have been my first reason for not posting updates.

I have to admit – I’m just too lazy to go through the whole process of booting up my computer just to write a status update, and I’m not that good at typing on my iPhone. Realistically, with all the typos I have to correct when trying to write more than a few words from my phone, I would probably save time by just turning on the computer…but then of course I fall deeper into my laziness and leave the computer somewhere I shouldn’t and we all know how that turns out. Which, I suppose, brings me to my weekly, long-winded update when I have the $WTF per hour babysitter to wrangle my little tinkler and I can close my office door and keep my computer on the desk where it is safe from “accidents.”

I will continue to enjoy reading everyone else’s updates – both those that are mundane and boring, those that are interesting, and especially those that are witty and amusing – without judgment or mockery. Occasionally I will think of one worth struggling through the iPhone keypad or even turning on the computer, but more likely I will use my time to cook gross food, neglect diapering my child, or watch trashy televsion, and once a week I will get my act together and put something out there. Today is that day – Kirsten Sawyer has it together today.

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