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I can have my cake and eat it too

Last week I found myself face-to-face with yet another denim crisis. Thankfully this time didn’t include shredding fabric; it was far less permanent, but it was legitimate nonetheless…they were too tight. I had managed to squeeze into them first thing in the morning and blamed the snugger than usual fit on the fact that they’d just come out of the drier. By mid-day though, when the drier induced shrink should have been stretched out, they were still too tight…so tight, in fact, that I had to unbutton them when I sat down! This definitely was more than some drier shrinkage. The jeans – my third favorite pair (with the heart shaped pockets on the butt) – were too small. Hmmm…apparently my current plan of eating everything and doing nothing was not working.

I needed to figure something out that would yield immediate results with little or no effort from me. My first thought were those Fit Flop shoes. They seemed like the perfect plan…I mean, I have to walk around anyway, so I might as well get in shape while I do it. The problem is that I’m not so sure they actually work. Every time I see a pair of feet in them, I plan to ask the owner how well they work, but 100% of the time it is perfectly clear that they do not work. The only toned legs I’ve ever seen attached to the sandals are the ones on the billboard. Back to the drawing board.

Next, I went to (where you can buy Not Quite a Bride and Not Quite a Mom if you haven’t yet…hint, hint) and bought Naturally Thin – how to Unleash Your Skinnygirl and Free Yourself from a Lifetime of Dieting, by Bethenny Frankel. Sounded perfect…skinny without dieting. Screw the Fit Flops, this was the plan for me. In the past few weeks, Bethenny Frankel had pushed Tori Spelling out of the #2 position on my list of favorite reality stars (Cortney Novogratz remains in the #1 slot). Even I was surprised by this since during the last season and even the beginning of this season of Real Housewives of New York City, I was a loyal member of Team Kelly, but something about her Virgin Islands breakdown combined, perhaps, with Bethenny’s legitimate success (as opposed to the wannabe success I’d considered her to have during the show’s first two seasons) made me look beyond her ridiculously rectangular face and completely fake boobs and made me decide that the girl knows her shit.

Two days later, the book arrived on my doorstep. I eagerly sat down with a homemade chocolate brownie in hand and the book in the other, ready to begin the unleashing process. At the moment, I’m only about 35 pages in to her 300 page instruction manual, but I have to say, she makes some good points – my diet really is like a bank account! I also bought the Body by Bethenny DVD which I fully intend on removing from the shrink wrap in the next 1 – 2 weeks. In a similar, but far less devoted style than Julie Powell, I will keep you posted on how my dying-to-get-out Skinnygirl is doing. For now, I’m pondering rule #2: You can have it all, just not all at once. I can have my brownie, and eat it too…I just can’t have it ala mode? Interesting thought…stay tuned.

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